keepin' my fungers crossed.

i find it funny that public school is still open today, yet they cancel all classes at tcc...and for what? some rain & wind...any fully-functioning adult should be able to handle this. pussies.

i don't know why i'm bitchin, considering i don't have class today or tomorrow(thanks to my awesome psych professor)...but damn. we lazy, ya'll.

anyways, i'm staying awake because i already took a shower and did my hair and everything, so i guess i'm just gunna sit here and bullshit(by eating some pecan rolls, and drinkin some iced coffee) until my second meeting with the recruiter @ 10:45am. i hope my feet tats are waived.

please, please, puh-lease.

every time i do a survey, i think of myspace.

Are you happier now than you were five months ago?
i'm not exactly sure. freedom is lovely, but the cancer(zodiac sign) in me misses feeling loved and in a relationship, sometimes.

Have you ever slept in the same bed with anyone?
yes, i have. it's nice. even if it's just your best friend on a drunk night.

What do you think about the weather?
i wish it would stop raining so i can feel safe driving to work.

How many people do you trust with everything?
my mother. that's it.

Name one thing you love about winter?
MY BOOTS, JEANS, &&& MY FAVORITE: PEACOATSSSS <3

Are you currently looking forward to tomorrow?
only because it means today is over, and it's one day closer to my meeting.

Can you commit to one person and one person only?
yes. and that one person is myself.

Do you believe you can be friends with your ex?
as of late, no.

Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?
yes.

Have you ever kissed the last person you sent a text message to?
i don't think so...

Could you go out in public, looking like you do now?
yes, i'm all ready for work.

You never know what you got until you lose it, true or false?
very true.

Ever get hurt by someone who promised they wouldn’t?
everyone does.

Are you listening to music right now?
no, but if i was it would be the noisettes, or city & colour.

Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t do?
like had sex with an idiot, why yes, i have.

Do you believe that all boys are the same?
no. yes. but no.

Would you ever try being a vegetarian?
been there, done that. no thanks.

Do you like your bed?
i LOVE my bed. especially when i'm alone in it.

Is it cute when guys/girl kiss you on your forehead?
'tis my favorite.

Was this summer a good one?
fuck yeah.

Who is the first person you texted this morning?
i haven't texted anyone yet today.

Is it more common for you to follow your heart or your mind?
my mind. my heart is retarded, i take after the men in my life.

How did you get your last bruise?
i honestly don't know. probably taking care of kristina's drunk ass.

Have you ever broken someone’s heart?
every few months...

i'm only a woman.

i love this wretched rain.
my itunes on shuffle is really stepping up its game.
i almost never press skip anymore.
i wish i had someone to share this with.
maybe being alone is what's best.

that is all.

getting out of here and doing something meaningful sounds like the best option, by far.
i hate it here, and im beginning to hate almost everyone i surround myself with.
im tired of trying to hangout with people that dont want to spend time with me.
virginia as a whole has nothing to offer me anymore, so here i come...

MARCUS GARSEEYA, WHEN THE fuck AM I GUNNA CIA? HUH, HUH?!

*as if the great divide could swallow me whole

BUYING TMR:

Pinback - Autumn of the Seraphs

&&&&&&

City & Colour - Bring me Your Love

OH GAWD, i cannot wait to cry myself to sleep (city & colour), and wake up jamming (pinback).

YAYYYYYYYYYYYYY.

"thank you for being so translucent."

i want a new truck. that sounds as mean as an old one.
i want a new life. that tastes as good as the current one.
i want a new hair color. that matches my real one.
i want a new tattoo. that means as much as the rest of them.
i want an old friend. that feels like the old ones.
i want an old bike. that rides like my schwinn.
i want an old father. that acts like the old one.
i want an old love. that doesn't remind me of anyone.


"you're welcome, it's nice not being so opaque."

i'll be gone soon enough...

it's good to see you
it's really good to see you
it's good to see you go.

Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be

Dear the imperfectly perfect me,

i wish you didn't come off as such a bitch. it would be nice to be more patient for people - girls in particular - who aren't as..."with it" as i am. it would be cool to have the guts to answer the goddamn phone when my father calls and tell him how i really feel for once in my life. how awesome would it be to have the ability to look that one person in the eye - no bullshit - and just blurt out exactly how i feel. i wish i was as tough as most people think i am. THAT would be some shit. i wish i was more in shape, but that's somewhat of an easy fix. i wanna be okay with my ex boyfriend, but i'm definitely letting that one go. not for now, but forever. the me i wish i was would be in the marines already. i'm on the way, though. i'm going to join, it's just a matter of time. i wish i was more ambitious. i wish i wanted better for myself in school. the truth is, i'm tired of this place. i'll be out soon enough. i could go on forever, but really those are the only things that REALLY irk me. bleeeeh.

If now is forever then what's to prove
Cause it won't be the same next summer
And I guess I'll see you in the spring
Somebody tell me, tell me, tell me, when will I learn
I love it and I leave it and I watch it burn
Damn this wild young heart
I told you damn this wild young heart
Damn this wild young
Tell me, tell me, tell me when will I learn
Damn this wild young heart
And don't blame, me.

best picture I have ever taken :)

jew, xoxo.

I got a story it's almost finished,
And all I need is someone to tell it to;
Maybe that's you.

Our time is borrowed and spent too freely.
Every minute I have needs to be made up,
But how?
I'm looking for a nice way to say, "I'm out."
I want out.

I fall asleep with my friends around me,
The only place I know I feel safe;
I'm gonna call this home.
The open road is still miles away.
Aint nothing serious,
We still have our fun.
Oh we had it once.

But windows open and close,
That's just how it goes.

Don't it feel like sunshine after all?
The world we love forever, gone.
We're only just as happy
As everyone else seems to think we are.


I'm in love with the ordinary;
I need a simple space
To rest my head,
and everything gets clear.
well I'm a little ashamed for asking
But just a little helps,
It gets me straight again;
Helps me get over it.

It might seem like a dream
But it's real to me.

Don't it feel like sunshine after all?
The world we love forever gone.
We're only just as happy
As everyone else seems to think we are.

You should see the canals are freezing,
You should see me high.
You should just be here,
Be with me here.
It doesn't seem there's hope for me,
I let you down.
But I won't give in now,
Not for any amount.

Don't it feel like sunshine after all?
The world we love forever gone.
We're only just as happy
As everyone else seems to think we are.

i need some banana bread, stat!
today is going to be boring.
i can't wait til i get off.
and the work day has yet to begin.
which is going to blow.
hard.

i'm tired.

tell me about it.

FUCK THISSSSSS. getting shitfaced tonight is the NEW & IMPROVED plannnnn, ya'll.
and fuck all deeeees flys!

this loss isn't good enough for sorrow or inspiration.

BLAHHHHHH.
i love my life, don't get me wrong.
BUT, i do miss the way it has been.
let's just write this off as a bad case of nostalgia.
FUCK, NOT AGAIN.

i'm so tired of these fucked up dreams i've been having. can my teeth stop falling out and can i stop being stuck in filthy bathrooms please? and what about last night? going from a show to a make out session with rk to a serious conversation with jimmy from high school gym class to a hotel filled with random people i know from ex boyfriends and seeing mike shafer look sickly? what the fuck is going on when i dream? this shit is really starting to get old.


#chilloutalready

pooch

i miss all of my ex's dogs. hahaha, i'm such an animal lover...it's not even funny.

The fear expressed through a boyfriend/girlfriend cheating dream could also be the manifestation of a deep seated childhood fear of abandonment. Children of divorced parents, or children whose parent or parents have died, often express their fear of abandonment through bad dreams, and these dreams can morph into dreams where they are abandoned by a partner or a spouse.

i wish my life just stayed this way:

Day 17 — Someone from your childhood

i'm trying especially hard to not be a complete bitch to you, but you really let me down. you don't know how to control yourself when you drink, and it's absolutely NOT okay. it's not about our friendship anymore, or about you being completely unaware of other's feelings when you're drunk, it's about you pushing someone. and let me tell you something, i understand it isn't my place to jump in the middle of a relationship, but when both parties are two of my best friends, pushing is NOT acceptable to me. some people look at it as no big deal, but hell no. fuck that. you don't push a girl, hit a girl, or even treat her like shit when she doesn't deserve it in the least bit. if you have an issue with me, talk to ME. don't take it out on your girlfriend who happens to love your stupid ass more than anything else in the world. get your at together, take care of your daughter, stop getting wasted and treating people like shit. then we'll talk, if you even care anymore.

Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country

the world is too big for my eyes to see it all.



cali, i miss you and all you contain. family, friends, asians, mexians, allll my babies. and the FOOD for god's sake!

Day 15 — The person you miss the most

this was a tough choice. daniel always wins, though. if i could have one thing in the whole wide world, it would be him. best unc ever!

Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from

damn i miss you girl! you were my first best friend in the whole world, and now you have a baby and we haven't talked in years. it makes me so damn sad that despite my best efforts, i cannot find you or get in contact with you. my last resort is going to phil's house and asking how i can find you, but i feel like that would be a little awkward. i wish i could remember his phone number! his wife is probably still crazy and would flip shit if i just showed up, haha. i miss you so much though! and i miss the time we had in SC when i stayed for two weeks! that was SO much fun. mud fights, four wheelers, scary corn fields, crazy boys, and attempting to drive your mommas car! hahaha, fun shit. i absolutely have to get back in touch with you! i promise i will, asap! love ya girl!

you don't ask for no diamond ring, no delicate string of pearls.

I AM A SIX.

i gotta see people for what they are and stop being so goddamn judgmental. i need to be more patient, kind, and understanding of people that i don't feel are as blessed with common sense like i feel that i am. i need to sit the fuck back, and keep my flaws insight and work on myself before worrying about someone else. i miss love. i really really gotta start to love myself again. i have to.

Basic Fear: Of being without support and guidance
Basic Desire: To have security and support

fuck you!

white pizza and skinny dip!
the way to a girl's heart.