yayyyy

tattoo tomorrow, merry xmas to me.

HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS.

00's, i've never been more proud of myself...loser.

lay back baby, and we'll do this right.

10 things I want:

* Love.
* A fisheye lens for my canon rebel. (me too! and my holga!)
* A good first xmas with my padre.
* Another doggie :)
* Red Lipstick.
* LOVE.
* XOXO's.
* Manchester Orchestra & Brand New with jerry.
* A MacBook (yeah right...)
* Film for my HOLGA.

9 musicians/bands I love:

* Brand New.
* Yeah Yeah Yeahs.
* The Duke Spirit.
* Manchester Orchestra.
* Jimmy Eat World.
* Rilo Kiley.
* Tegan & Sara.
* The Beatles.
* Juno Soundtrack.

8 things I do everyday:

* Wake up when I feel like it (xmas break!)
* Eat/Lounge.
* Pee.
* Brush my teeth.
* Shower.
* Love on my puppy.
* Watch TV.
* Dream/Sleep.

7 things I enjoy:

* Writing.
* Cameras.
* Good songs.
* Antique shops / Thrift shops.
* Friends :)
* My BLOGGER.
* Boys.

6 things that will always win my heart:

* Hot Chocolate!
* Sushi.
* FUNNY boys.
* Kisses on the forehead/cheek.
* Animals.
* Good music.(by music i mean ANDY HULL)

5 favourites:

* Movie: Can't Hardly Wait.
* Song: 1979 by the Smashing Pumpkins / For Emma by Bon Iver.
* Book: Hairstyles of the Damned.
* Food: My mom's Spaghetti.
* Season: FALL.

4 scents or smells I enjoy:

* Vanilla.
* The beeech!
* Giorgio Armani: Acqua di Gioia.
* When I am fixing jackets at H&M and smell boys.

3 places I want to go:

* ABU DHABI, check!
* India.
* EGYPT, CHECK!

2 Favorite Holidays:

* Thanksgiving.
* Christmas!

1 person I’d marry on the spot:

* marcus garcia. smh.

from your head to your toe:

I CANT WAIT TIL WEDNESDAY >>> sooooo 'cited!

FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKi'mtired.

MMM, baby.

The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one…Fuck everything, live life.

FOUR DAYSSSSSSSSS

i'm so excited, but i'm going to miss YOU so much :(

two wholeeeee weeks. wah

HOLY CRAPOLI

NINE DAYS

Could someone please walk through with me?
I've got nothing to hide, nowhere to be
Why do we have to come through here
'Cause nothing leads me to you

'Cause you are nothing what you seem
You're always looking out for me
You are nothing what you seem
You're always looking out for me

You'll never contemplate that I am near
And help goes unseen
You're the cave admitting who you choose
And I could be there for you

if you let me have my way, i swear i'll tear you apart.

going out to buy a few canvases on tuesday and some more paint and brushes, i think i found a hobby...

new fascination:

mo' daysssss!

FAVORITE PICKS:

The reaction you get from someone when you let them know you’re not afraid to hurt their feelings or be down right honest with them.

tender

in the UAE:

Legislation enacted in January 1996 imposes the death sentence for convicted drug traffickers. Since January 2006, possession of even trace amounts of illegal drugs has resulted in sentences of four years imprisonment for foreign citizens transiting the UAE. Some drugs normally taken under a doctor's supervision in the United States, and even some over-the-counter U.S. drugs and medications, are classified as narcotics in the UAE and are illegal to possess. A doctor's prescription should be carried along with any medication that is brought into the country. A person may be subject to arrest and prosecution if possession of prescribed medicines (especially those containing codeine and similar narcotic-like ingredients) comes to the attention of local authorities. The U.S. Embassy’s website includes an unofficial list of such medicines, obtained from the UAE Ministry of Health. Most medications available in the United States are also available by doctors’ prescription through hospitals and pharmacies in the UAE.


SCARY. thank GOD i don't smoke weed.

ENGAGED. i'm so damn engaged.
no, wait. that's you, silly goose.

la la la

DAYS TO GO:

BEST part of the movie: i recite this over 4 times a week.

next painting....this beautful ting:

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S THANKSGIVING ALREADY...
COUNTDOWN TO MY TRIP: twenty-one days
SOOOO EXCITED/NERVOUS/SCARED/ANXIOUS/HAPPY.

i can't let it out, i still let you in.

Always be yourself in a relationship, for it will drive you insane thinking of what might have been if you really had...

ay, you, over dere in the corner;

i talk about you like you put stars in the sky

TMR'S AGENDA:
Shower
School
Pack
Clean
Hampton
REECHMOND
yummy, yummy dinner

WEDNESDAY:
Exploring (con mi amiga!)
Home @ night
SLEEEEEEP

THURSDAY: TURKEY DAY!!!
Eat as much as i want and give no fucks
+ mi familia

(black)FRIDAY:
work...2-11

this is nancy. nancy is the man. i want to be nancy. i want to be like her. doe-eyed, simple, hardship having, nancy. who loves her life just the way it is,.

I'm not calling you a liar,
Just don't lie to me.
And i'll love you so much,
I'm gonna let you
I'm not calling you a thief,
Just stop,
And i'll love you so much,
I'm gonna let you,
Ohh,
I'm not calling you a ghost,
Just stop..

there's a ghost in my mouth and it talks in my sleep
wraps itself around my tongue as it softly speaks
then it walks,
then it walks,
then it walks with my legs

to fall (x12)
at your feet

oh but for the grace of god go on
and when you kiss me i am happy enough (to die)

4,3,2,1.

hahaha, i kinda miss doing your laundry because you never understood the whole lights & darks thing. ironic that you couldn't apply that to other parts of your life...goodluck, bay.

stay gold.
while the rest of us are simply silver.

i really love when people fall asleep with their head on my lap, i'm SO weird.

CAN'T wait to do this in abu dhabi :)

WOMP.

$235 for an expedited passport, in zee mail tmr! yessssssssssa.
i wish that my picture was cute...you would think it could be for an extra $10...make this available pls & ty.

i am SO dreading the flight...can i take you with me?

dis makes me want a cheezbergur realy bhaddd.

deez shoes are from H&M, trendy betch! I kind of want them...

i wish my birth certificate would hurry the f up and get here...it's really holding me back from getting shit DONE. passport, dropping off my itinerary to heather, buying that skirt at work, and going to my gmas. ugh!

i seriously cannot stop listening to sycamore down. so addicting.
i am so fucking content with my life, it's almost unbearable.



i need a pedicure, a new journal, the jaymay songs i listed below, and the book - paper towns. and a BOMB ass coffee maker, which i am about to receive. i really wanna paint my toenails tonight but i know i will fall asleep before i can allow them to dry all the way, thus fucking them up, and wasting my time. instead, i will actually make an attempt to get some damn sleep tonight...and have the same dreams i've been having for the past two weeks...awesome.

marcus, i am getting my gift cards for h&m this week - lezzzz go!

hahahahaha, these men are amazing:

look @ that:

JC

so effortlessly amazing:

i need to abide by this:

brushing my lips with a tooth brush fucking hurts/.
at least my lips are nice and exfoliated now :)
and i love my hair, yay! it looks so nice now!
and my make-up looks so FRESH today.
bubbly, anyone?

"the only way into the sun is walking, but you'd rather run, you'd rather run away"

if only i could play the piano

Been obsessing over Jaymay lately, I need to buy all her songs that I listen to over and over again before I go on my trip. I also need to find my wall charger for my ipod, or I will surely die. I love her voice, it's so beautiful. Also, each and every one of her songs give me the biggest feeling of nostalgia I think I have ever felt, but I love every single memory in there. All of them. I'm such a damn romantic, it's funny how hard you try for something, and once it falls into your lap, all the stars begin to align. Who knew?


So Far:
1. Sea Green, see blue
2. Sycamore Down
3. Snow white
4. Gray or blue
5. Autumn fallin'
6. You'd rather run

rest.

i can't believe it. this is amazing. this is amazing. oh, it's amaZING.

headlights

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 9.
"charming, beautiful, and pleasant." (Isn't that nice.) Well, like oil and water, I can't quite adapt or fit."

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What’s there?
Just air.

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Fashion Police.

4. Without looking, guess what time it is:
12:30.

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
12:29.

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
Fashion Police, very very faintly.

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
Last night, coming home from work.

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
My religion homework.

9. What are you wearing?
Elvis pj bottoms, a cami, H&M "baby loves disco" shirt, and a jacket.

10. Did you dream last night?
That I was in the projects, and then I got into a car with people I didn't know and they took this road i told them not to, and we crashed into the ocean and jerry and jamie and some other guy were in the water, and the other people disappeared and the water was really thick because of high salinity, (which i've been reading about in geology) and we were all just floating there, smiling. then we got out to dry off and we met april, ashley, abby, and their friend jake. then some random person that walked by pissed me off so i left, and jake came to cheer my up, and i took his hat and wore it, and everything was right again. it was cool.

11. When did you last laugh?
when i read what the last person wrote, hahaha!

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
paintings, speakers, ect.

13. Seen anything weird lately?
not really. what the hell is weird anymore, anyways?

14. What do you think of this quiz?
it's something to do.

15. What is the last film you saw?
SAW 3D, i believe. OH! and Mermaids, such a good movie.

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
A car, pay off my parent's house, get a boat, and whatever my close friends wanted. Oh and pay off my tuition, and get my own house.

17. Tell me something about you that I don’t know:
I am going to Abu Dhabi in december and I am going to miss my friends and family :(

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
Um, end discrimination. The racists, homophobes, sexists. ALL THAT SHIT NEEDS TO GO. (I SECOND THIS)

19. Do you like to dance?
Only to reggae. really, though.

20. George Bush:
no comment?

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Emma Marie.

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Jameson Christopher.

23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
Absolutely.

24. What do you want to say to God when you reach the pearly gates?
"Thanks, for everything."

ughhhh :/

GET OUT OF MY DREAMS AND INTO MY ARMS.

this version is better.

i love reconnecting with muh frennnz.
and the fact that my dad has invited me to abu dhabi, all expenses paid.
feeling like i'm gunna puke, k bye.

astropop3 crayssssseee.

REALLY FEELING THIS:
hungry
anxious
only a little tired (for once)
relaxed
nostalgic
tan
perfect (temperature wise)
happy
excited
bored
in...like? (sorta/maybe)
not giving a fuck
singing
writing
breathing (usually)
i'd rather be dead than be you
i'm sick and tired of hearing you talk, about nothing at all.

starscream, you know my love is true.

you can be my everything, i don't mind.
you can be my drama queen, ohhhh ohhhh.
i wanna know, i wanna know, i wanna know the truth.

now and always

soooo, april told me today that i would be a really good mother.
i think that was the best compliment ever.
is that weird? maybe.

what i want, and what i need, is and will always be free.

ONE DAY vs. THIRTY DAYS

1. Justine - i love it. if it wasn't already my middle name, it would be the name of my first born daughter.

2. tattoos - one swallow on each foot, 18 yrs old. mother's initials on the inside of my right wrist, 18.5 years old. piercings - a LOT. only have my lobes, conches, cartilages, nose, and tongue left. and i miss my wrist piercing the most :(

3. Trueblood, Animal Cops, Dexter, Chlesea Lately.

4. Tay & Kristina - known kristina for ever. met taylor senior year, word.

5. Red, Black, Silver.

6. winter - i love my peacoats, what can i say?

7. BLOGGER - i don't remember though.

8. a bit of both - i never work out anymore because i fill my days with sleep and friends and work, but if there were more than 24 hrs in a day, and less work, i would be at the gym a LOT more.

9. idk what a "meme" is, i just googled it, and it still makes so sense...maybe i am a retard.

10. RETTTTTA, my baby. she's dumb as shit, but i love her for it.

11. The Noisettes, Brand New, and Incubus. it's safe to throw in Saves The Day, and Manchester Orchestra, also.

12. Harrrry POTTTA. he's the bomb diggity.

13. Mean Girls defines my life. what?

14. I have two half brothers and a newly born half sister. um, i don't talk to or see my dad's kids, and i love with my brother jakey wakey eggs and bakey and he's one of my best friends.

15. Chocolate and Hot Tamales. i doubt anyone knows that...weird.

16. umm, probably snow white and the seven dwarfs.

17. FUCK ugg boots...it's all about them EMUS. yes, they are ugly, but they'll work until i get a boyfriend who gives GOOD foot rubs.

18. MILK, yummm. chocolate milk is my first love.

19. NOYFB.

20. nope. thankfully, i got my father's eyes.

21. PSYCHOLOGY. luvvvv it.

22. i used to play field hockey and i kinda miss it. i also used to dance, and i REALLY miss that.

23. lady gaga is the shit. she's famous for being weirdly attractive and being able to sing her heart out not to mention bust out some crazy shit at the same time...AND pull off a dress that was literally "off the meat rack" if you HATE her, you're just jealous. if you love her, join the club.

24. i literally JUST saw SAW 3D. it was good, as usual.

25. last book i read....uhh, oh yeah! i read all of chelsea handler's books. HOLLA!

26. ITALY, INDIA, and SPAIN.

27. girls - emma marie, alexa lynn. boys - max amillion, christopher connor. pets(dogs) - mufahsa, retta, and zero(my future dog).

28. jonathan taylor thomas, i will never forget when my poster with him on it got ripped, i cried alllll fucking day. UNHEALTHY. usher was pretty hot, too.

29. No opinions.

*commercial break...llyod banks is a sexy ass mother fucker. WHEW! omg...AND funny.

30. ummm, this isn't recent at all...but i love it, and it was a good good night.

stole this from a tumblr...obv.

everythingissbittersweet

mylove, andre kertesz.

God talk to me now, this is an Emergency.

i REALLY need a set bedtime.

i'm such a damn night owl these days...
i think i just have a lot on my mind, therefor my mind has some real trouble shutting off. i still haven't written to my dad. i think once i do that, it will take a lot off my chest. kinda weird that everyone seems to be worried about me lately...or "checking up" on me. it's cool to see that people actually give a damn, but all the same unfamiliar. usually it's me who is worried about everyone else, but really i've just been laying really low. i feel like the kind of person i am requires a constant love connection with someone of the opposite sex. the need to care and love (and be loved) is just...in me. i can't get rid of it, and it's starting to make me feel, well, sort of fucking worthless. to an extent. i have no ambition anymore, no drive, no urge. the only time i feel any of that anymore is when it comes to a member of the opposite sex. but nobody in particular. i've pretty much given up on myself, people around me, and every male in this general region. i want change, i want to feel important, and i could really use some companionship. is that really too much to ask? i feel like i am slowly getting everything i once yearned for. (freedom, real time to work on school, less hours at work, ect.) but it's funny how once you get something, it doesn't really seem so fucking great anymore...another night with no one to love. jesus christ that sounds corny, but who the fuck reads this anyway?

now im looking...

obsessed.

sucka free.

going to actually try and get some good sleep tonight (after i write). i gotta get up earlyish for school but no nap after...cleaning my room and going to try and make it to the gym before norfolk with jerry. sounds like a good day ahead. i'm exited to see sothra's new car, i hear its gunna be niiiiice. i wish i felt as comfortable around him as i do with jamie, but its whatever...i'm going because jerry asked me to so that's what its all about. i'm bummed that i didn't get to stand in line at ocean mystique today for a $20 tattoo, but i had to work, and i probably would have ran into donald and autumn again. now THAT would have been awkward. anyways, i've been trying really hard to be level headed lately. meaning i've been working on letting the little things slide. it's really not worth freaking out about, but i really snapped tonight. i'm glad i was with jerry. i really appreciate his company. and april's, too. her and sisters have been keeping me so entertained lately, i LOVE it. and i LOVE them. life is so...content.

i could write so much more, but it's really just time to get some sleep. love.

you are beautiful.

thanks for making my night when no one else could.
you may have said some offensive things to me,
but i love you, none the less.
you are a good friend.

HA. i should learn to take my own advice.
sending an email, tomorrow.

if you have a problem, fix that shit.
that's what EVERYTHING comes down to.
grow the fuck up, and take care of shit.
alright? okayyyy.

i feel like i'm starting to realize a lot of shit i never thought of before...
it's time to tighten up.
and get my shit T-O-G-E-T-H-E-R.

i LOVE all my pink-shirted babies!!! i am so proud of myself for making shirts for everyone, i have never felt so welcomed at a job before, and i love everyone X a million! yayyyy for having an awesome job! and yayyy for making strides against cancer!

and THISSSS guy...

taco taco, burrito, burrito!

I NEED THIS LIL FELLA RIGHT CHEAR^

I NEED TO SEE ANDY HULL, ASAP.
I NEED TO EXPERIENCE HIM AGAIN, WITHOUT YOU.
HMPH.

make it right, now matter how i try.

it's fucking pouring. this is what my insides feel like.
thanks, weather...for matching my mood.
oh, and washing my truck ;0
anyways, i love my new phone. that's one thing that keeps me happy.
wish i had more people to talk to on it, sorta.
i started a new journal last night, it's weird to write again.
journals remind me of my past, and i'm not so sure that's somewhere i want to go...
my life can't seem to get any more lame right now.
i guess that's what happens when you try really hard to be drama free.
what. the. fuck. is. wrong. with. me.
nobody is ever happy anymore. or at least that's how i feel.

i REALLY hate seeing biracial couples...











it makes me so JEALOUS. i want black babies!!!! NOW.

"if you want something then go for it."

it's pissing me off that my tattoos are the only thing holding me back. what the fuck? i'm a 20 year old female willing to risk my life for this country and here i am, waiting to find out if the military will allow me to fight for this country while having fucking birds on my feet. we'll see. wtf, bro.

A FLUCKIN' WEEK OR SO?! LIFE IS ALL ABOUT SOME WAITIN'.

dayum, sista, dayum.
i woke up with a damn stye today, and it hurts like a biotch.
so slipped on some yoga pants, a bra, and some vans.
grabbed my mom's keys, and headed out to rite aid for some eye ointment.
this shit sucks balls. im in such a good mood lately, and it's kind of funny cause i haven't been hanging out with anyone but MYSELF. this is weird. i've found lately that maybe i don't need to be around others to be happy? this is weird. weird, weird. not just sorta weird. i actually love my dog more than most human beings. im gunna be an old cat lady one day but instead have dogs, forcing me to be an old dog lady...weird combo of words, dont ya think? anyways, im going to crash on the sofa and be a couch potatatatatao until round about 4 taaa shower for work. ello world! goodbye blog, tata for now.

keepin' my fungers crossed.

i find it funny that public school is still open today, yet they cancel all classes at tcc...and for what? some rain & wind...any fully-functioning adult should be able to handle this. pussies.

i don't know why i'm bitchin, considering i don't have class today or tomorrow(thanks to my awesome psych professor)...but damn. we lazy, ya'll.

anyways, i'm staying awake because i already took a shower and did my hair and everything, so i guess i'm just gunna sit here and bullshit(by eating some pecan rolls, and drinkin some iced coffee) until my second meeting with the recruiter @ 10:45am. i hope my feet tats are waived.

please, please, puh-lease.

every time i do a survey, i think of myspace.

Are you happier now than you were five months ago?
i'm not exactly sure. freedom is lovely, but the cancer(zodiac sign) in me misses feeling loved and in a relationship, sometimes.

Have you ever slept in the same bed with anyone?
yes, i have. it's nice. even if it's just your best friend on a drunk night.

What do you think about the weather?
i wish it would stop raining so i can feel safe driving to work.

How many people do you trust with everything?
my mother. that's it.

Name one thing you love about winter?
MY BOOTS, JEANS, &&& MY FAVORITE: PEACOATSSSS <3

Are you currently looking forward to tomorrow?
only because it means today is over, and it's one day closer to my meeting.

Can you commit to one person and one person only?
yes. and that one person is myself.

Do you believe you can be friends with your ex?
as of late, no.

Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?
yes.

Have you ever kissed the last person you sent a text message to?
i don't think so...

Could you go out in public, looking like you do now?
yes, i'm all ready for work.

You never know what you got until you lose it, true or false?
very true.

Ever get hurt by someone who promised they wouldn’t?
everyone does.

Are you listening to music right now?
no, but if i was it would be the noisettes, or city & colour.

Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t do?
like had sex with an idiot, why yes, i have.

Do you believe that all boys are the same?
no. yes. but no.

Would you ever try being a vegetarian?
been there, done that. no thanks.

Do you like your bed?
i LOVE my bed. especially when i'm alone in it.

Is it cute when guys/girl kiss you on your forehead?
'tis my favorite.

Was this summer a good one?
fuck yeah.

Who is the first person you texted this morning?
i haven't texted anyone yet today.

Is it more common for you to follow your heart or your mind?
my mind. my heart is retarded, i take after the men in my life.

How did you get your last bruise?
i honestly don't know. probably taking care of kristina's drunk ass.

Have you ever broken someone’s heart?
every few months...

i'm only a woman.

i love this wretched rain.
my itunes on shuffle is really stepping up its game.
i almost never press skip anymore.
i wish i had someone to share this with.
maybe being alone is what's best.

that is all.

getting out of here and doing something meaningful sounds like the best option, by far.
i hate it here, and im beginning to hate almost everyone i surround myself with.
im tired of trying to hangout with people that dont want to spend time with me.
virginia as a whole has nothing to offer me anymore, so here i come...

MARCUS GARSEEYA, WHEN THE fuck AM I GUNNA CIA? HUH, HUH?!

*as if the great divide could swallow me whole

BUYING TMR:

Pinback - Autumn of the Seraphs

&&&&&&

City & Colour - Bring me Your Love

OH GAWD, i cannot wait to cry myself to sleep (city & colour), and wake up jamming (pinback).

YAYYYYYYYYYYYYY.

"thank you for being so translucent."

i want a new truck. that sounds as mean as an old one.
i want a new life. that tastes as good as the current one.
i want a new hair color. that matches my real one.
i want a new tattoo. that means as much as the rest of them.
i want an old friend. that feels like the old ones.
i want an old bike. that rides like my schwinn.
i want an old father. that acts like the old one.
i want an old love. that doesn't remind me of anyone.


"you're welcome, it's nice not being so opaque."

i'll be gone soon enough...

it's good to see you
it's really good to see you
it's good to see you go.

Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be

Dear the imperfectly perfect me,

i wish you didn't come off as such a bitch. it would be nice to be more patient for people - girls in particular - who aren't as..."with it" as i am. it would be cool to have the guts to answer the goddamn phone when my father calls and tell him how i really feel for once in my life. how awesome would it be to have the ability to look that one person in the eye - no bullshit - and just blurt out exactly how i feel. i wish i was as tough as most people think i am. THAT would be some shit. i wish i was more in shape, but that's somewhat of an easy fix. i wanna be okay with my ex boyfriend, but i'm definitely letting that one go. not for now, but forever. the me i wish i was would be in the marines already. i'm on the way, though. i'm going to join, it's just a matter of time. i wish i was more ambitious. i wish i wanted better for myself in school. the truth is, i'm tired of this place. i'll be out soon enough. i could go on forever, but really those are the only things that REALLY irk me. bleeeeh.

If now is forever then what's to prove
Cause it won't be the same next summer
And I guess I'll see you in the spring
Somebody tell me, tell me, tell me, when will I learn
I love it and I leave it and I watch it burn
Damn this wild young heart
I told you damn this wild young heart
Damn this wild young
Tell me, tell me, tell me when will I learn
Damn this wild young heart
And don't blame, me.

best picture I have ever taken :)

jew, xoxo.

I got a story it's almost finished,
And all I need is someone to tell it to;
Maybe that's you.

Our time is borrowed and spent too freely.
Every minute I have needs to be made up,
But how?
I'm looking for a nice way to say, "I'm out."
I want out.

I fall asleep with my friends around me,
The only place I know I feel safe;
I'm gonna call this home.
The open road is still miles away.
Aint nothing serious,
We still have our fun.
Oh we had it once.

But windows open and close,
That's just how it goes.

Don't it feel like sunshine after all?
The world we love forever, gone.
We're only just as happy
As everyone else seems to think we are.


I'm in love with the ordinary;
I need a simple space
To rest my head,
and everything gets clear.
well I'm a little ashamed for asking
But just a little helps,
It gets me straight again;
Helps me get over it.

It might seem like a dream
But it's real to me.

Don't it feel like sunshine after all?
The world we love forever gone.
We're only just as happy
As everyone else seems to think we are.

You should see the canals are freezing,
You should see me high.
You should just be here,
Be with me here.
It doesn't seem there's hope for me,
I let you down.
But I won't give in now,
Not for any amount.

Don't it feel like sunshine after all?
The world we love forever gone.
We're only just as happy
As everyone else seems to think we are.

i need some banana bread, stat!
today is going to be boring.
i can't wait til i get off.
and the work day has yet to begin.
which is going to blow.
hard.

i'm tired.

tell me about it.

FUCK THISSSSSS. getting shitfaced tonight is the NEW & IMPROVED plannnnn, ya'll.
and fuck all deeeees flys!

this loss isn't good enough for sorrow or inspiration.

BLAHHHHHH.
i love my life, don't get me wrong.
BUT, i do miss the way it has been.
let's just write this off as a bad case of nostalgia.
FUCK, NOT AGAIN.

i'm so tired of these fucked up dreams i've been having. can my teeth stop falling out and can i stop being stuck in filthy bathrooms please? and what about last night? going from a show to a make out session with rk to a serious conversation with jimmy from high school gym class to a hotel filled with random people i know from ex boyfriends and seeing mike shafer look sickly? what the fuck is going on when i dream? this shit is really starting to get old.


#chilloutalready

pooch

i miss all of my ex's dogs. hahaha, i'm such an animal lover...it's not even funny.

The fear expressed through a boyfriend/girlfriend cheating dream could also be the manifestation of a deep seated childhood fear of abandonment. Children of divorced parents, or children whose parent or parents have died, often express their fear of abandonment through bad dreams, and these dreams can morph into dreams where they are abandoned by a partner or a spouse.

i wish my life just stayed this way:

Day 17 — Someone from your childhood

i'm trying especially hard to not be a complete bitch to you, but you really let me down. you don't know how to control yourself when you drink, and it's absolutely NOT okay. it's not about our friendship anymore, or about you being completely unaware of other's feelings when you're drunk, it's about you pushing someone. and let me tell you something, i understand it isn't my place to jump in the middle of a relationship, but when both parties are two of my best friends, pushing is NOT acceptable to me. some people look at it as no big deal, but hell no. fuck that. you don't push a girl, hit a girl, or even treat her like shit when she doesn't deserve it in the least bit. if you have an issue with me, talk to ME. don't take it out on your girlfriend who happens to love your stupid ass more than anything else in the world. get your at together, take care of your daughter, stop getting wasted and treating people like shit. then we'll talk, if you even care anymore.

Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country

the world is too big for my eyes to see it all.



cali, i miss you and all you contain. family, friends, asians, mexians, allll my babies. and the FOOD for god's sake!