NERD

i wish i would have never stopped wearing my retainer. that shit doesn't even fit anymore and my front right tooth is starting to get crooked. imma make that sucka fit tonight - even if it does make my gums bleed. i am so dumb! i will always have straight teeth, i will NOT let 3 years of braces go to waste. shiiiiit, son.

give & recieve

gave all my change to some old dude today collecting donations for some kids organization while waiting for the light to turn green. got home, relaxed for a few hours, and kelly's dad came to visit us from elizabeth city and gave me $100 for graduation - a BIT late...but damn, karma is great.

god i feel like i am a step ahead of my very own generation sometimes. it saddens me deeply, but i am glad i'm not like all of you. (a good majority of you)

little baby

i'm really diggin' the yeah yeah yeah's lately. Karen O. sounds a bit like Courtney Love of Hole, minus a little bit of the damage done to her vocal chords. "Y Control" is a good song. "Machine" too. listen!



you'll never see this, but this is what i'd like to say to you if i ever had the balls:

i cannot always be here for you, i will not always be here for you. i loved you before, where did you go? it was so long ago, i was sixteen when you took me. i loved you, i loved you, i loved you. you were perfect, you always will be. but only in my head, never in my heart. you are so charming, my god. stop coming to me for advice on your "love" life, only to try and sleep with me in the process. you don't love anyone. that's it! you don't love anyone, not even yourself. i have always been here to build you up. no more. you don't love me. you need to love yourself.
oh brother, fix yourself. i love you because you are the biggest mess in my life, and i take pride in cleaning you up. tonight, however, i cannot. goodnight my long lost love, goodnight.

/////////

bittersweet

$$$

Several Woman's magazines
Stacked up on top of a picture of me
When I tried to call
No one answered

It's not even that I'm all angry
Just kind of confused why you do this thing
You said, there's an understanding

I offer you a small dog in the kitchen
I just wanted you to feel at home

And that's why I'm fine
I am fine, I am fine, I am fine
I just need 100 dollars
And I am fine, I am fine, I am completely fine
I just need 100 dollars
From you
And you and you
And you and you

hazy eyes

i wish i wasn't so scared sometimes.
i have a million and one thoughts flowing through my brain lately.
anyways, last night was fun - before i got sick.
karaoke makes me shake so bad! but god i love it.
i need to do that shit more often.
i love bars filled with old people, ha.

i don't think i could shake this - even if i wanted to.
my days are filled with thoughts of you, and i wouldn't have it any other way.

wahhhh

someone cut my hair! pweaseeee :(

mmm

i want my gauges back - badddd.
do it? do it? do it?
ahhhhhhh

you've got a lure i can't deny

tell me am I right to think that there could be nothing better?

everyone is miserable, not just me.

Ohhhh gawd!

hahahahaha you make me feel 16 again.
thanks for completely turning around my day,
i could always count on you, boy ;)

untitled

i have spent the majority of the past two days sitting around my house with my family and have come to realize that is all i want in life. the comfort of a good family. i am out of my fucking mind for the things i want to write after those few sentences, so i won't write it. i'll just keep it to myself and hope things work out for the best. what i want more than anything is to just get the fuck out of 757 as of now. i just wanna go. where? no idea. somewhere, though. anywhere, really. everyone here is a huge fucking waste of time, and no matter how hard i try, i feel like all the good people are missing from this part of the state. i know if anyone reads this, they will feel offended, and you should. i realize i am not a perfect friend, either, but i sure as hell do put forth some effort here and again. where the fuck are you?

we are: cold war kids

now hang me up to dry,
you wrung me out,
too too too many times.
now hang me up to dry,
I'm pearly like the white,
the whites of your eyes.

stay true, stay true, stay true.

stay true, stay true, stay true.

stay true, stay true, stay true.

stay true, stay true, stay true.

stay true, stay true, stay true.

stay true, stay true, stay true.

stay true, stay true, stay true.

stay true, stay true, stay true.

stay true, stay true, stay true.

sleeeeeeeeeep

ohhhh man, i had some gooood dreams last night. and even though they were just dreams, they made me wake up to a great mood :)

-100

i want ink, lots and lots of ink.
i want to be older.
i want a man. a good, honest man.
i want sex, but not just sex.
i want wafflehouse's coffee after every dinner.
i want to see manchester orchestra again.
i want to cook a hearty breakfast for someone.
i want to have a good time.
i want to get so drunk i only remember half of last night's events.
i want a good, meaningful kiss.
i want a guy who's lap i can jump onto.
i want to feel passionate about something.
i want to learn to tattoo and pierce.
i want to know what i want to be when i "grow up".
i want you to disappear.
i need love, i need compassion, i need something real.
i need honesty, respect, and a sense of security.







i really fucking need july.

FML! oh well, i'll find something.
nap time for now, enjoying this time off.

dumbass

so, i knew i was on call for work yesterday 3-6, but i didn't call them because i was on the boat and didn't have reception and i just didn't feel like it to be honest. plus, i figured they would call me if need be, ya know? anyways, so i get this voicemail that i didn't see until 8:30 and it's my asst. manager telling me i was supposed to work from 6-10. which is bullshit, because it was not on the schedule, at least not to my knowledge. so LONG story short, i call this morning and i tell her i'm sorry i didn't know i was supposed to work, yadda yadda, and she tells me that she talked to the store manager about it and apparently "anyone who called out on saturday without a doctor's note or didn't come to work for whatever reason, has to be taken off the schedule." such bullshit man, i know it's my fault and i'm definitely taking the blame, but god damn, really? that shit is fucking ridic!!!!!!! fml fml fml.

"i'm doing what i gotta to stay awake"

The breakneck pace is both exhilarating and exhausting, which Hull says was intentional. "I like the fact that there isn't a chance during the first six songs to say anything if you're listening to it with somebody. It's seamless. We did that to emphasize that there are two halves to the album." The first half is a brooding tale of teenage angst and anger -- the confusion and disillusionment of growing up and becoming an adult. The second half is about redemption and an overall re-evaluation of the self. It's about Hull beginning to realize in his own words "that things are not ok, I am not ok, and there's a beauty in that -- a calming, a forgiveness," he says.

thirst

i want long hair, and a cute boy to snuggle with.
also, more hours at work, and more $$$ for my elephant tattoo.
buuuuur this house is cold! time to wrap up in my blankets, and fall asleep watching tv.
w h a t ' s n e w ?
nuffin' honey, nuffin'.

keep your coins, i want change.

took out my septum, for good. i'm just over it.
going to get my nostril re-done, i miss it, and i want something more subtle.
also, i'm getting tired of hiding it for work, shit makes my nose itch so bad!
anyways, things are looking up.
it's funny how much one little text can make me smile :D

oh hai

mmm butterflies.
i like you, too.

ey

i luuuuv Forgetting Sarah Marshall
definitely one of the best breakup movies ever.
"are those sad tissues, or happy tissues?"
bahahahaha
okay, really, goodnight.

buuuur

so cold out tonight!!! AND I FUCKING HATE JET NOISE, BTW. AND DRUNK PPL, TOO. YAH.
anyways, coldplay was amazing! they put on one of the best shows, ever! tonight was so good, i missed hanging out with taylor more than i knew. she's great, and i'm really glad we're hanging out again. goooooooooooooooooodnight.

xoxo

oh my god, let me see again.

fuck

fuck nostalgia, fuck distance, fuck love, and fuck life.

bee tea dubs

mmm, i just wanna snuggle up next to you all day, everyday.
you make me so happy, and you always know exactly what to say.
can't wait till tomorrow :)

disgust

people like you make me question god's intentions

you are everything i never want to be,
you are everything i could be...
if i wanted the world to revolve around me.

after all, it's me, the king, and the beast.

i just want to enjoy MY life. my life without you in it, my life with my good friends, my life before VCU, my summer, my family, my plans for the future, my money, my nap time, my alone time, my freedom, my health, my happiness, my love for others, my sensibility, my strength, my music, my singing, my car, my "idgaf" attitude, and most of all, the better things/people in life.


PRIDE

+10

i finally got my bed!!! cleaned all damn day and made my room look super nice! most comfortable bed, ever. srsly, come sleep in it. spent $60 on new sheets and everything. oh my god tonight will be the best night of sleeping evaaaaar!




ps - i want to enjoy you as much as you want to enjoy me. i promise.

goodnight, sleep light, stranger.

sleep in, think about you, roll over, toss and turn. repeat x4.
who are you?

143

"be selfish for yourself and your future, go to school, and do your thing, because after school, you're going to go where you wanna go, do what you wanna do, and things will be better than ever."

do you think that you would actually do it?

What is the price to be a bargain beggar
So lonely but always free
What did you mean when you said it's destructive
And you sank yourself right into me
I know you think you know
But you probably don't
And I know you think you know
But you probably don't know

lately i have noticed that rather than spilling my guts on here, it's much easier to just type some lyrics. i'll do that for now, and let you ponder. today has been a good day :)

mmm

hahahahaha :) so happppieee. today has been wonderful so far, went to DQ to get my final paycheck, and it was $90! and i was really only expecting like...$20 or so? good surprise! i need to get my brother something for his b-day, ugh! idk what to get!

open my eyes

happy birthday lil bro!
good lord i feel old, whew.

today: clean my room/blood taken???/lunch with marcus/jake's b-day dinner.
tomorrow: !*(@*(@!)*!)! yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so excited. ha.

sweet sweet

summer, where have you been?
i need to love myself before i love anyone else.
this summer is dedicated to simply that, and nothing else.
inhale, exhale. inhale, exhale.
fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk it! <3




"I don't know much
But a crutch is a crutch
If it's holding you from moving on
I don't know what to do
Not anymore, not anymore
I don't know what to do
Not anymore, not anymore
And you, well you mean everything
You mean everything to nothing
You mean everything to nobody, me
You mean everything to nothing
You mean everything to nobody but me"

HELLO

celibacy! welcome back to my life ;)
no guy is worth it anymore.
fuck it!

and i knew it was over by the curtains that hung from your neck

i will never love a liar. never never never.
this constant feeling of nausea will eventually go away,
and my love is already in the process.
i'm so sorry it had to be this way, josh.
i am so sorry.

wisdom

"you gotta surround yourself with the right things. positive people. you gotta get yer priorities straight. like, life isn't all about being serious all the time. you don't have to have a relationship to be happy. you should realize that first and foremost. there's so much more in the world."

-you are wonderful, i am sorry i ever doubted you. thick & thin, baby. thick and thin.

haha

oh yeah, and i forget everything. literally, everything.

reality bites

i am flawed, i am too forgiving, i am easily irritated, i don't care enough, i have issues with my father, i am not healthy, i am very indecisive, i cannot concentrate on you but i expect you to listen to me, i am never fully satisfied, i smile without meaning it, i take advantage of people, i am hypocritical, i am too short, i am almost always angry, i am a bitch 80% or more of the time, i call people out on everything, i have a problem admitting that i am wrong, i have never fully committed myself to a relationship since i was 15, i cannot and will not trust you, i am not lady-like, i put on such a front that no one acknowledges the fact that i actually have feelings anymore, i take things for granted, i am very envious, i am sensitive, i am overly sarcastic, i take things way too seriously, and i truly hate myself as of now. i am not saying this for attention, i am not fishing for compliments, and i am most certainly not looking for your sympathy. i want to look back at this and know that i have changed for the better.

goodnight

thank you andy hull, you make me believe.

finally i felt the calming breeze
stepping out to watch the final scene
after all it's you, my pride, and me
i can't speak, whatever i can speak.


i am going to be okay. everything is going to be okay.
for the first time in a long time, everything is completely 100% okay, heh.

shhh

as empty as can be.

untitled

i have never felt like this before.
i have never been this upset in my life.





help me.

enough is enough.

as much as i want this, i know it is wrong. there was a reason it was ended in the first place and i've gotta stick with that. i will not do this to myself, or you. all i can do is accept it and move on, just like you did. right? right. as for now...i don't think i can be your friend because being around you is only a painful reminder of a stupid and selfish mistake i made. so go do your thing because somewhere out there, there is a girl who deserves to be with you as much as you deserve to be with her. every word that was said on that couch was the truth. keep moving forward, and please don't forget me.

i love you, i love you, i love you.

meaning everything to nothing

to sum it all up: i am such a fucking idiot!!!!!!!

inhale, exhale.

"when i fly solo, i fly so high."

and i felt ____, again.

and i realized that then you were perfect,
and my teeth ripping out of my head.
and it looked like a painting i once knew,
back when my thoughts weren't entirely intact.

nbjkaaskalkdlsj

life is fucking nuts.

i haven't got my fill

"enough is never quite enough"

what am i here for? i'm here for myself.

What am I here for
I left my home to disappear is all
I'm here for myself
Not to know you
I don't need no one else
Fit in so good the hope is that you cannot see me later
You don't know me
I am an introvert an excavator
I'm duckin' out for now
a face in dodgy elevators
Creep up and suddenly
I found myself
an innovator

I can say I hope it will be worth what I give up
If I could stand up mean for the things that I believe

Change, change, change,
I want to get up out of my skin
tell you what
if I can shake it
I'm 'a make this
something worth dreaming of

marcus garcia

shysters live from scheme to scheme but my 4th quarter pipe dreams
are seeming more and more worth fighting for
so i'll curate some situations, make my job a big vacation
and i'll say fuck bush and fuck this war
my war paint is sharpie ink and i'll show you how much my shit stinks
ask you what you think because your thoughts and words are powerful
they think we're disposable, well both my thumbs are pose able
spelled out on a double word and triple letter score and

we won't stop until somebody calls the cops
and even then we'll start again and just pretend that
nothing ever happened.








thank you sooooo much <3

REVOLUTIONARY

YAYYYYYYY! whew! today was GUUUUD. I got a job after only 1 day of job hunting. hellz yeah, can I get an "amen!"? New York & Company here I come :D I am going to make this THE job. the one I work hard at, don't get easily pissed off at, and stay calm at. I will do this, and I will love it. haha! yesssss yes yes! blocking all bad things out from now on. I need to work on staying positive more than anything. I plan to work my ass off all summer and be loaded by the end of it. HELL YES!!! <33333333 cute boyz, where you @?!

it's too late

i can't sleep. all i want is someone's arms around me. just until i fall asleep.
goodnight.

job interview @ 2:30, please let this go good.

okay then

i do not know what the hell i want. and i do not know what i am doing. for once, i feel completely lost. no job, no money, no income. i can't believe how well i am taking this. how have i not freaked out yet? ha.


somebody wow me. please. i need someone exciting in my life. g'night.

the good times are killing me

job hunting, all day. need summm monayyy. selling everything. every thing. keyboard, guitar, mini amp, school books, anything else i can find. craigslist here i come!

one chance

We have one chance.
One chance to get everything right.
We have one chance, one chance.
And if we're lucky we might.
My friends, my habits, my family, they mean so much to me.
I just don't think that it's right.
I've seen so many ships sail in,
just to head back out again and go off sinkin'.

I'm just a box in a cage.
I'm just a box in a cage.

I'm just a box, just a box in a cage.
I'm just a box, just a box in a cage.
I'm just a box, just a box in a cage.
I'm just a box in a cage.
Didn't mean to laugh,
didn't know I had,
didn't know the better part of what you said,
'cause in your head you are not home.
Didn't get the joke,
didn't mean to poke another,
just to save myself from some something, something or another one.
Well walk home.

I'm just a box in a cage.
I'm just a box in a cage.
I'm just a box, just a box in a cage.
I'm just a box in a cage.
I'm just a box, just a box in a cage.
I'm just a box, just a box in a cage.
I'm just a box in a cage.

We have one chance, one chance to get everything right.
My friends, my habits, my family, they mean so much to me.
I just don't think that it's right.
I've seen so many ships sail in,
just to head back out again and go off sinkin'.

fidelity

i never loved nobody fully
always one foot on the ground
and by protecting my heart truly
i got lost in the sounds
i hear in my mind all these voices
i hear in my mind all these words
i hear in my mind all this music
and it breaks my heart
and it breaks my h-h-h-h-eart!

PS

i quit my job today. i am NOT willing to put up with people's bullshit for $6.55/hr, okay? i have more dignity than that, sorry DQ. oh and just a quick fyi: if you are in college and actually have homework to do like writing papers all the time...DON'T apply at dairy queen, even if you are desperate like i was, because god forbid they call you to ask if you want to work 7-11 on a saturday and you say no. or hell, even a wednesday when you actually have a fucking paper due the following day.

golden

there's nothing like a good group of people sitting around a campfire all night jus' throwing back a few beers. i miss nights like this. i hope this group is more promising. that is all i hope for. that's it.

workworkwork

i wish i could just find a good full-time job for the summer. i really just wanna make a shitload of money, work out allllll the time, and be happy. summer, where you at!?

good jesus!

my god, you are cute! shit shit shit!



fuck, i wish i had a sweet car and a stereo that worked! i wanna jam to saves the day and manchester orchestraaaaa :( wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

silly goose

you can have dem! been there, done that. marked my territory, now it's your turn.

srsly

diggin' this. good things lead to great things. goodbye nostalgia!