i have never believed in karma so strongly until now.

i wish i could just spend my days around you. and solely you.
so much knowledge to share, i want to hear it all.

Broke account so I broke a sweat
I've bought some things that I sort of regret about now
Broke your glasses, but it broke the ice
You said that I was an asshole and I paid the price
Broken hearts want broken necks
I've done some things that I want to forget but I can't
Broke my pace and ran out of time
Sometimes I'm so full of shit that it should be a crime
Broke a promise cause my car broke down
Such a classic excuse it should be bronze by now

best week in a long time. no negativity, no stress, no nothing, except...fun. and good people. no, great people. it's nice to see there are still a few around here after all. i love my little dumpling, he makes me the most happy! cutest baby in da world. i feel like i could write so much more but i want to go play with him ^ before i go to bed, goodnight!

bee tea dubs - don't come to me when she fucks you over again. what a shame. i guess it takes a certain amount of time for us all to outgrow it. seeeeee ya!

little dumpling

the ONLY man i need in my life :)
thanks for the best present ever, emmalee!

slutty bitch. shitty bitch. ugly bitch. nastayyy bitch. UHHH!

aww!

hahahaha, i missed tesha so much! tonight was soooo good. teesh, me, emmalee, and kristina. just like old times, except we're all together at once. 3 of the coolest girls i know :)

wooo, you guys MAKE me have fun!

keep your head up, keep your head up.

what else matters?

i need a little more i think

my stomach has never been so fucked in my life, i might as well develop a real eating disorder while i'm at it.

in my teeth

What happens when I don't know what happens
What happens when I don't know what happens
Just stop and go and stop and go till you can't go...anymore
Just stop and go and stop and go till you can't go

Make it seem,
Like we never really needed it anyway
Yeah we never really needed it anyway
So we can see

That the bottom is gonna bury us anyway
Yeah you're doing what you gotta to stay awake
Yeah I am doing what I gotta to stay awake

today is caitlin's birthday - happy birthday, you crazy crazy girl. i love you!

today is also the day jasmine and levi get back to the states. i'm not sure when, but i think it was either very early this morning, or very late tonight. i should probably figure that out though. hmph. july 3rd is coming much faster than expected. i cannot wait to see my dad. i am definitely excited about jas & levi being here because i miss them to no end and it will give me more family to spend my lonely, jobless days with, but seeing my dad compares to nothing else. i want to find a man just like him, someone real, honest, and goal-oriented. i guess it's true when people say women seek men similar to their father. that's always sounded strange to me, but i guess it's the truth because no matter who your father is or what mistakes he has made, you are always bound to him and you always have this idea of just how wonderful he really is. you know? at least that's how i feel most of the time. i feel like i am so ahead of people my age, i hate it. i want to be normal, and in love without worrying about things only i think of because i over think every fucking thing in my life. i feel like i am going crazy in this town, being surrounded by the people in it. i need to get out, i hate everyone here. (except you, you, you, you and of course you.) i don't know how many you's are in there, but it should be more than enough to cover the few people left who don't make me want to rip my hair out. fuck today, and screw tomorrow. although i did just get a call for an interview at papaya. jesus christ ^ please let me get this job.

dreamland

"..we've settled back into a congenial routine, one that reminds me of that first couple of months we were dating. After weeks of not talking, it seemed now, in some ways, like we had just met. But a different kind of first impression. More like we'd just met through friends who had warned each of us about the other one. Told us the dark secrets we should know about each other. And now we're not so much overlooking them as we are looking past them."



(i love when someone else feels the same way i do.
it makes things much, much easier.)

borrowed from you

can i borrow your past?
cause mine's not lookin' so good.
(anymore)

go-getter

"you are a jerk, a jerk, jerk, jerk. but i like the sound of your voice."

i want to watch this all day, everyday.
oh how i miss thee.

all the young dudes

when the time comes where you can comfortably choose me over weed, i will be gone.
a girl can only wait but so long. i am wearing thin. and i want my appetite back.


time to say goodbye?

modest

Taking heartache with hard work
Goddamn I am such a jerk, I can't do anything
And I shout that you're all fakes
And you should have seen the look on your face
And I guess that's what it takes
When comparing your bellyaches
And it's been a long time
Which agrees with this watch of mine
And I guess that I miss you,
And I'm sorry if I dissed you

i have never loved a band as much as i love manchester orchestra - just sayin'.
tribute tattoo anyone? i think so. but after my "make yourself" tattoo of course.
fuck being unemployed. ugh, i want $$$.

I'll find a way out
I'll find a way out
I'll find a way out of here
Do you believe me?
Just watch me.

anti anti

I huff gasoline from your shirt
And blur the questions that no one could ever answer
I empty my head of all that I know
Seems like the best view is the one from below

We are anti-movements, we are anti-anti
One time we believed but now we don't even try
And I can't cut a rug, without my fashion drugs
Inebriation leads revelation

Gettin down in the town that makes no sound
You say there's nothing wrong but I don't hear it

I will burn your love letters in a parking deck
Where I have harbored great things that I will never confess
We keep fresh paint on the countenance
Now we keep it simple but make it more complex

We are anti-movements, we are anti-anti
One time we believed but now it's passé and cliché
And she'll say anything to make you move again
But is it the truth? I don't care if it is








LOL so drunk last night. i didn't even know anyone there, still had a good enough time. got drunk fo free, it worked. anyways...i haven't wrote about shit in forever. i guess i just feel like i want to keep things to myself sometimes, ya know? yeah, you know. i love being that person who stays in touch with everyone, i honestly love that about myself. and i also love how my family loves how blunt i am. i'm glad i have a family that can accept me for being what most people would call "a bitch" simply because of how blunt i am sometimes. oh well, the truth is i just don't give a fuck anymore. fuck you all, minus my babies, and the man of my dreams that i have yet to meet. or have i???

what am i saying?

i wish i actually liked weed enough to want to smoke.
i can't wait to get this fucking dentist appointment over with.
then going to the beach with kristina, where i plan to take a nap.
fuck waking up at 7:30am for no reason, ughhh.
seeing carlos v today?!? hope so! he's fun.

i have the best friends anyone could ask for.
quality, not quantity.
thanks babies, xoxo.

LOL

hahaha, man...last night was the best night i've had in months. even if it did involve sitting in the ER from 2-5. slow ass bitches. SO tired, wanna sleep allll day, but i get to see you later :)

good?night.

She's been running away so long, running away from home
will she ever get back, I don't know, no I don't know
you can see it in her eyes and you can see it in her smile,
tell me what you're running from, she said "everything and everyone."

if ripping out my heart and handing it to you on a silver platter made you happy, i would do it.
i feel so god damn empty without you, sorry isn't a good enough word to describe how i feel.

colly strings

If you say no, then no it will be,
I'll stick it at our skin, pierced with colly strings,
Just play it cool yeah, and try avoid being seen

I'll stick it at our skin, pierced for nothing.

i know more than i knew before

i miss being dropped off at your house when my mom would go pick up my brother.
i miss walking or riding my bike to your house and being so damn nervous.
i miss walking you to the end of my street and our 2 hr "goodbyes."
i miss begging for rides to your house and driving there the first day i had my license.
i miss driving us to the beach and you begging me to play your music.
i miss dating your best friend but secretly loving you.
i miss being happy about going to work because it meant i would see you.
i miss laying in bed and watching ncis with you.
i miss enjoying the sound of "soul meets body" coming out of my speakers.
i miss your honesty, our trust in each other, and forgiveness.
i miss you buying me a butterfinger or skittles all the time, even when i didn't ask.
i miss you taking me out to dinner on our anniversaries.
i miss smoking pot with you. (sometimes)
i miss being so drunk and comfortable in your arms.
i miss taking showers with you, that's why i never did it with the other you. (btw)
i miss me catching you looking over at me when drifting off to sleep.
i miss you introducing me into new music and knowing everything about every artist ever.
i miss that couch, and sitting on it with you no matter what we were doing.
i miss watching a kagillion movies with you.
i miss talking on the phone while watching road rules/real world.
i miss comfortable silence.


i fucking miss you, love.

less than 2 months,
i wish i could bring things back.

xo

A dulcimated Kiss is blown, conversations whisper on, and talk of saving whilst protecting
all the kids at home. I hear their eating garbage cakes, I'll never stop till sad's erased from
webster's dictionary page, think of all the cripples days, as bills are paid, hands are shakin'
art discussed by mantle place, songs are sung to save some places, signs are made to protest hate.
Overwhelming damage rate, the nicotine and candle flame, and plans are laid by restaurateur to
up security.

mornin'

my grandmother is by far one of the most wonderful people on this planet. i don't think i know anyone my age who spends this much time with his/her family, and people really should. not having a job has turned out to be not such a bad thing because with all of you constantly letting me down, good times with my family will always prevail. i can't wait to get out of va beach and into richmond. one more year, let's make it a good one.



i will eventually shed you all and it will be the best time of my life.
minus the few that i love dearly.

"so don't sniff the coke just the sensimilia"

what's eating you alive, might help you to survive.

1:25 am and talking to my dad via myspace instant messaging is the best feeling in the world.
i'm so happy, i could cry. i have feelings again, thank you.

i wish i had someone to tell me what to do, or how to feel.
cause i really, really just don't know.

sea of love

i am sad because of the things i just read, but only because i so deeply want it back.
love, that is.
only, not yours.

i am so excited for my birfday!
hurry up pwease!!!

You're the reason why I burst and why I bloom.

can't stop

xoxo

tonight was so much better than expected.
i rarely let your actions bother me anymore, but all it takes is someone who is willing to listen to make me feel better. one day i'll forgive you, one day everything will be just fine.
i really appreciate the few true friends i have, thank you girls.



"everyone seen dat now!" hah!

PS - my birthday is in a month and i have no idea what i am doing! oh, to be nineteen.

laying in bed last night i had many thoughts running through my head, as usual.

the twist...
i thought briefly about mike justis just before falling asleep, only to be woken up minutes later by a call from him. we talked for a few minutes, and i quickly drifted back asleep but not before the true life episode of "Fat Camp" randomly ran through my head. as usual, i thought nothing of it, and fell asleep once again. once i woke up this morning, i remembered dreaming about a particular someone changing their myspace song, which in my dream, bummed me out. so i fumbled for my remote, turned on the tv, and sure enough...true life was on. which episode? "Fat Camp" so i thought..."hmm, just a coincidence?" and continued on with my day. hours later, while checking my myspace, i decided i wanted to hear that song, you know, the one i mentioned that was changed in the dream. and to my surprise, she had changed it, just as it happened in my dream. coincidence? maybe so.

quack!

hahaha, oh my godddd this weekend was bomb. once we finally set everything up and everyone arrived, it was sick. by far the best group that could have came. i think i have found my group again. i love REAL people, juss sayin'. we need to make this shit happen again - and soon!

xoxo

secret lover

i barely knew you, but god i missed you today.

"We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained we must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory will swell when again touched, as surely they will be by the better angels of our nature."



i wish i still felt this way.

"We, the unwilling, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much, for so long, with so little, we are now qualified to do anything with nothing. "

ohhh yeah!

i don't think i could be any more excited about tomorrow. manicure in the morning, going to get food for the boys, setting up camp, getting chels, and heading back to camp to meet the boys around 8. SOOO much stuff to do, but well worth it! <3

then, paramore and no doubt with my mom and holly on wednesday. i'm only going because i am being dragged, but i'm pretty stoked about seeing no doubt. not bad for a free show ;)

i cannot wait for this weekend.
i cannot wait for this weekend.
i cannot wait for this weekend.
i cannot wait for this weekend.
i cannot wait for this weekend.
i cannot wait for this weekend.
i cannot wait for this weekend.
i cannot wait for this weekend.
i cannot wait for this weekend.

despite all of you fucks...

i am so happy

stop bullshitting.
this is so disappointing.


(bee tea dubs-)
oh and if you read this - do not try and contact me anymore.
i like my life and the path it is taking, without you in it.

lova lova!

wow, complete 360 from earlier.
old friends fix everything.
and so do newports.
hahaha ahhh!

xoxo

what a cool fucking day.

july 3

i can't fucking wait.
7 days though? are you joking...i guess i can't expect too much. huh?
UUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH.

patience is a virtue.

i need the "fever to tell" cd by the yeah yeah yeahs.
please & thank you.

xoxo

things i don't quite get

why girls wear necklaces at the beach (do you want a funky tan line?)
why my dad insists on living completely out of reach (wtf, man)
why i am such a bitch sometimes (no idea)
why people (girls) are so heartless (they all suck at some point in time)
why you call me for advice all the time (ask your fiance!)
why i have still not gotten new headphones (shawn sucks)
why almost every dream i have has dirty toilets in part of the dream (toooo creepy)
why i am still not at the beach (caitlin wakes up late as hell! haha)
why i am bitching about that but don't even have my bathing suit on (procrastinator)
why dog farts smell 7389217891749x worse than human farts (beyond me)
why i still haven't began running (because shawn hasn't gotten me new headphones!)
why i can't just meet a good guy to hang with (whatever)
more to come...