"you think i'm cute, and innocent, and sweet and pure and tender . you don't have to take me serious, that's what you think.- i can be cute, and i can be nice if i want to, but i can also be something else. i can be everything i want to be, and you don't have to save me. i can do that for myself."

stay what you are

ps - i cannot fucking wait until the summer.

i wish i knew my future, but then i'd spend the rest of my life questioning all my actions rather than just doing shit without regrets.



i love my life, and all that it entails.

hang in there, babe.

ALL
YOU
NEED
IS
LOVE.

this is what i feel like, too, dad.

haven't see this yet, but i want to.

stolen from my father because i couldn't say it any better.

in seeing

there’s a loss.

a certain sense of emptiness

an

infinite

hopelessness

in experiencing life

through your heart,

through your blood,

through each breath.

seeing

lays dormant

then rises

to an awareness

‘til you’re

running,

chasing,

capturing,

a moment

after

a moment

before

many

moments...

before

the loneliness

&

loss

return

seeing...

it comes and goes.

it is not sympathetic

nor apologetic

there is no empathy

it is by nature

natural

the antithesis

of love

the moral keeper

of

ambiguity

OMGzZzZzZ:
JOSH HARTNETT MOVIE DAY, asap.

i guess i am a hipster, i say this on the daily.

back to basics

^TWO TONGUES
WOWEE ZOWEE - GO LISTEN.

tremors - two tongues

My love, I lack the confidence
to say what is on my mind
I guess I'm prone to shake and sweat
confounded every time

I see you do the things you do
Pale and bright you shine

Because I need you here with me
I need you just to see me
I need you here with me, yeah it is only a dream to me

I knew that you could save my life,
without a words exchange
your way with words, so insecure
can barely speak my name
My crumbled spine, and faulty lines
I'm sick and small and strange

I need you here with me
I need you just to see me
I need you here with me, yeah it is only a dream to me

i fucking love TES.

love at its finest.

Q: what is the price to be a bargain beggar?A: so lonely, but always free.


so much has changed since i took this picture,
it has so much meaning to me. i love my life,
my family, my friends, and my wonderful,
wonderful boyfriend.
no longer free, but happy as can be.

you have no idea, my love.

i hate hate hate hate hate when it starts getting dark at 4:30.
i fucking hate it.

MMM, to be in love.

okay, really though, i don't ask for very much. i really really really don't.


REALLY.

i want to fucking vomit!

ps-today is friday the 13th, better be a good fucking day. in more than one way? HA. we'll see...

oh.my.god.

last night turned out to be such a good night, i'm so thankful to have taylor as my one and only best girl friend. there are other girls out there who i love to death - don't get me wrong. but wow, i seriously love the hell outta this bit. went to her house in one of the worst moods possible and left happier than i have been in a while. this weather sucks, but driving around to find a pizza place that had power was so damn fun. especially when i was secretly only wanting chanellos. hehe :)

anyways, i'm in such a good mood today, i hope everything goes well and i get to spend some time with donald today. i'm still bummed as hell that i won't be seeing brand new, but whatever...guess it's meant to be? shit happens for a reason - gotta stick to it.

xo

prefect song for tonight - too bad i won't be seeing them tomorrow.

I used to be such a burning example,
I used to be so original.
I used to care, I was being cared for.
Made sure I showed it to those that I love.

I used to sleep without a single stir,
'Cause I was about my father's work.

Well take me out tonight,
This ship of fools I'm on will sink.
A millstone around my neck,
{If you'd} be my breath, there's nothing I wouldn't give.

I used to pray like God was listening.
I used to make my parents proud.
I was the glue that kept my friends together,
Now they don't talk and we don't go out.

I used to know the name of every person I'd kissed.
Now I've made this bed and I can't fall asleep in it.

Well take me out tonight,
This ship of fools I'm on will sink.
A millstone around my neck,
{If you'd} be my breath, there's nothing I wouldn't give.

Throw me that lifeline,
This ship of fools I'm on will sink.
A millstone around my neck
{If you'd} be my breath, there's nothing I wouldn't give.

"They never hit their brakes..."
"There was no time to see..."
"He just ran out in the street..."
"Does anybody know his name?"
"I think I recognize him..."
"He sure as hell paid for that mistake..."

Woah.

So take me out tonight.
This ship of fools I'm on will sink.
A millstone around my neck.
{If you'd} be my breath, there's nothing I wouldn't give.

Well save my life tonight.
This ship of fools I'm on will sink
A millstone around my neck
{If you'd} be my breath, there's nothing I wouldn't give.

brand new is sold out, waited too long to buy my ticket due to lack of necessary funds/boyfriend waiting to get his also. i fucking hate money. i hate being 19 and broke. i fucking hate being disappointed. so fucking over everything right now. i just want my old friends back, all of them. i want all the good times back. i need to take a trip - asap. no school today or tomorrow due to this wonderful weather which is also disappointing. fuck virginia, fuck time, fuck money, and FUCK being let down.

buying a 6 pack of
yuengling tomorrow, suck it.

black cadillacs

haha, it's crazy how listening to one simple song brings back weeks worth of memory.
thank you modest mouse (mainly). can't wait to kiss my boyfriend tonight. GSH2!

i miss you:

marcus garcia, jeremy busam, ashley lindsey, emmalee gough, tesha holiday, kristina sanchez, robert adams, daniel howard, mitchell dorsk, kevin stewart, sean lanier, joclyn terry + her family, the brooklyn boys, that one mean kid cody, shawn shultz, bryan dana, mike koteski, ryan king, adam thomas, nilo deguera, hank kazukiewicz, russel wickizer, tyler rowe, dean kohler, josh kelly, amanda poulter, caitlin griffith, kyle simmerman, ryan pulis (yeah), elliott malvas, chris reidel, ian elba, mason collins, tyler perkins, kevin berard, dylan ayers, and about 100 more.



i'm going to keep adding to this and one day in the near future talk to everyone on this list.
wish me luck! some of you i talk to once a month or so, which is decent, but some of you i have not talked to in years...let's fix that.

truuuuuue

ONLY two more days!

HE IS THE LAMB,
SHE IS THE SLAUGHTER.
brand new on FRIDAY. chyeah!

ah, i'm going to start writing on here again. my journal is filling up with stuff, and this blog isn't. it's too bad really, because although i like putting pen to paper, i really like typing. it's funny to go look at older posts, my life seemed so crazy and out of control at times (maybe not to you, but I really know what happened on all those nights that I summed up in just a few short sentences). it's funny how badly i wanted a job and now that i have one, i'm still looking for more. i just wish i had more hours, i need to be making more money to save for florida, tattoos, and other shit that requires a decent amount of money, that of which i do not have. anyways, i love having a good boyfriend, and i love my family, and i love my job. school is irritating the hell outta me, but other than that, life is swell. hope it stays this way. puh-leaseee.

i'm letting go, i'm ignoring my instinct, this is all new to me. inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale.
i love you.